They do say that we will be met by the same kind of challenges until we find a way to cope, solve or live with whatever the challenge is. This week I have been tested on so many fronts. Old patterns have reappeared, and I haven’t found any new ways of coping with them. So many things have made me feel stuck. Answers I’ve waited for in my creative work have been delayed, things that I’ve needed money for have had to wait because I’m between wages and for some reasons I still have problems with both my bathroom scales and my kitchen scales. The old ones broke within the same day a couple of weeks back. That in itself is such a strange thing to happen that I’ve been wondering if the Universe is trying to tell me something? I bought a new pair of scales for the bathroom but had to return them a couple of days ago, because they made no sense what so ever and I couldn’t trust them. Today I got a new pair and I’ve tried them out. That made me really upset, because if they are telling me the truth, I have gained around 2Ibs or one kilo during the last few days.
I have known for a while that my “luck” is about to run out when it comes to not being able to totally commit to the programme again, and still being able to maintain my weight or even lose some. It looks like I’ve now used up all my luck. That makes me feel stuck in yet another way, because even the tiniest treat makes me feel I’m going to gain weight, which makes me feel trapped, and makes me want to eat things that aren’t good for me. That in turn makes me filled with the fear of gaining weight, which makes me feel trapped etc, etc.
Being between wages has also meant that I haven’t been able to keep my safety net of fruit and vegetables and other zero-point foods stocked up. Sadly, this is having a psychological effect on me. When I know there isn’t enough fruit around for me to allow me to feel “safe” knowing I will manage on my zero-point foods, it makes me feel hungrier than normal and I get into my old habit of picking between meals. Then, to salvage some of the damage from all the picking, I skip meals which starts a vicious circle.
One thing I have realised about myself is how important it is for me to have bathroom scales which work and that I can trust. I have been totally lost and filled with fear, since the control I feel when knowing my weight, disappeared. I have been told on many occasions that it is unhealthy to weigh oneself often. Well, I’m sorry, I have always been a person that needs her statistics and my weight has always affected my life in one way or another. I doubt I will ever be able to change the way I just need to know my current weight. Actually, I don’t think I want to change that part about myself.
Being without good kitchen scales has made it difficult for me in a different way. At the moment I’m using a pair that only show weights in five grams chunks It shows something is 20gr until it goes over 23gr than it moves to 25gr etc. Okay, that isn’t such a big deal short term, but in the long run many inaccurate weight foods could make me believe I’m eating less than I am.
At the moment I can’t give myself any good solutions on how to change things around and cope better with the old feeling of being stuck, but I hope I can soon get to the point where I really feel I’m back on track.
Yesterday a bad migraine sadly forced me to stay at home from my class, so I am none the wiser when it comes to knowing how accurate my new scales are. Therefore, I really don’t know my weight right now, but what I do know is that I need a good, calm, healthy week where I can just be, without any outside interruptions than my normal working hours.
Have a good week and, since my migraine also delayed this week’s blog with a day, I see you in 6!