Blame and responsibility

Just before someone starts to think this is going to be a “poor me” blog, I felt I wanted to write about my thoughts when it comes to blame and responsibility. It might seem easy to point the finger here, there and everywhere to explain the situation you’re in and why you struggle with weight problems.

While I spent ten years solving another issue in my life, eight of those years went to blaming another person for what I felt had totally ruined my life. There’s no getting around the fact that this particular person and one, single day totally changed my life forever, but for many years I was so blinded by the horrors of that one day, that I never looked at the bigger picture. I never looked at things leading up to that day and I never looked at the many ways my life had changed after the event.

Finally, one day I had a realisation. First; I was the only one involved in making the choice to travel and be in this person’s presence that fatal day. My head was telling me it could be a very bad idea, but unfortunately, I was truly and madly in love and followed my heart. But whichever way I look, it was my choice, so I can’t really put the blame on someone else. Saying that, it doesn’t in any shape or form, excuse the actions of the person I visited either for what happened later. Prior to that I had the choice to stay away, but instead I chose to totally ignore the warning bells in my head.

Another thing I never reflected over in my haste to shift the blame, was all the positive things that has happened to me since the day that so fundamentally change my life. I could argue that what happened pushed me onto the path I was supposed to take in life. I probably wouldn’t even have considered or found that path if I hadn’t been so totally shaken and unleashed from my reality and everything that had been safe in my life.

Having realised this, I also learned that I can never be sure of what any other person’s actions will be in any give situation. I can’t rely on someone to do what I feel is right in my head, because no one else has lived my life, so the conclusions I draw thanks to my past experiences, will never be the same as anyone else’s. Therefore, I can’t be angry or blame someone else when they act according to their logic instead of mine. All I can do is take responsibility for myself and my actions and do the best I can in any given situation.

I can’t tell you how much easier my life became after giving up the game of blame. It helped me to win over myself finally in one battle, and it has helped me a lot with my battle over my weight too.

The hardest overweight thoughts for myself to win over, are the ones that were founded in my childhood, and that is most of them. The reason for this is that you don’t have the same choices as a child. Other people are responsible for you; parent, teachers etc. The crimes committed against you, through thoughtless words and actions and also sometimes physical and/or mental violence, during those formative years, fills your mind with shame, shame and more shame. I can’t help that it fills me with anger that I still must fight against my conditioned behaviour patterns founded almost five decades ago. It angers me, and it hinders me from living the life I want to live, but I refuse to feel like a victim or blame someone anymore. Instead I am trying to take responsibility over my present day. This day is the only one I can change for the better, so I try to make the best choices today to get closer to all my goals in life. One of them is to finally reach my weight goal.

This week’s weigh in was another happy surprise for me. I had lost 1.5Ibs even though I have baked, cooked and eaten a lot of party food over the last 7 days. This means that I’ve lost 7Ibs (4.4kg) in 6 weeks. This may not sound much, but taking into consideration that I’ve been down with the flu two of those weeks, eaten out a lot and celebrated a big birthday at home for another two, I have to say I am pleased with the result.

Have a good week and I see you in 7!

Åsa

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